There was a time when my evenings were
restricted under the shade of my umbrella near river banks. Solitary evenings
turned to an addiction for me. Every day I noticed a forlorn man, may be
stepped into his late fifties, smoking a pipe. One day I went and started
talking to him. Within no time he understood the pain behind my crestfallen
face and my mournful voice, which I tried a lot to hide. Our relationship
complemented each other and we started getting closer. One day he inquired the
reason behind my lonely evenings. I looked at him, smiled and told him, “man
this is my story…”
It was because of that incessant rain that I took shade under my neighbor’s thatched roof, waiting for the rain to stop. So after making sure that no-one is watching, I slid my hand through the window and snatched a big sheet of paper and ran home covering my head. The moment I reached my house, I saw a girl coming running behind me, yelling. “That was my drawing sheet”. Confused, I turned the paper and realized that she was right. The green color that she had used for the mountains was spread throughout. Now even the rivers were carrying green water and houses had turned green. “Sorry, I saw the wrong side of the paper. I thought it was blank.” She was busy wiping the color from the drawing sheet. “But it’s your mistake that you applied too much of green color”, I said and ran into my house. Though she complained against me to my father for which I was severely beaten, slowly we came close and became good friends. She was studying in class five at that time and I was in class three. Age difference was not a valid factor to over shine our relation.
I carried her pot whenever she used to go to the tube well to fetch water. We both even ran together through paddy field dividers to get her father his lunch. We used to play for hours in the muddy roads and by throwing cow dung cakes on each other. As kids, we were devoid of restrictions. But when time raced away, everything changed. There were so many meanings for boy-girl relations in society which we couldn't understand at that small age, but our parents did. Our meetings shrank considerably. In this period my mind started automating a strange feeling for her. I was feeling a pang in my heart and my eyes always searched for Rini every time. I had no idea of what was happening to me, before I started realizing that I am in love. One evening, gaining all energy, I proposed her behind Ganesh temple. She stood dumbstruck. It took her quite a while to recover from the shock. Soon as she recovered, she vanished. I didn't see her for a week. I was afraid that she might complain to my father this time also. Few days later she came to my house. I was sitting inside my room and she was talking to my mother. When my mother went outside giving her a bowl of sweets, she came to me and asked to have one. I refused first, but later I took one from her bowl. But to my surprise she asked me to have just a bite and let her have the rest. I asked her to get a fresh one. But she snatched that sweet from me and had the same. I was not able to understand why she was acting loony. I was about to scold her. But she placed her palm over my lips and whispered in a naughty tone “dumbo! I love you too”. It was raining heavily that day too, reminding me of our first encounter. But this time dark clouds appeared pink to me and they were raining love incessantly. This was how our love story blossomed...
29th September, 1999 was the day of massacre when the super cyclone hit the coastal Odisha .The cyclone dumped heavy torrential rain causing record breaking flooding in the low-lying areas. The storm surge was 26 feet, about 8 meters which struck the coastal planes, traveling up to 20 kilometer inland. Everyone was petrified by the devastating wind. Residents of thatched roof houses were shifted to rescue centers and Rini’s family took shelter in our house. By the same night, our village was entirely submerged in flood. Wind remained playing the havoc which created mayhem in the entire village for the whole night. The next day after noon when the wind preceded a little Rini’s father went in search of his cattle. But an unexpected wind slam hit again which was tame less enough to shower mass destruction. When he didn't return for more than two hours, everyone went absolutely mad in fear of the unexpected. It was bedlam. I and my father went in search of him. The sight we saw on the way was nerve wrecking. Human dead bodies and cattle carcasses were flowing together in the flood water. Women and children were screaming in pain at the loss and not a single house was visible to a distance that my eyes could see. In the mean time I spotted a person under the debris who was wearing the same color dhoti that her father was wearing that day. My hands trembled to lift the person and identify him. My heart froze for a moment, unusual chillness griped my body and my senses stopped working for a minute when I saw his face, which was more than half smashed being snapped under a tree. My choked throat cried out in pain when I realized that the dead body was none other than Sahoo uncle’s, Rini’s father.
Six months passed after that calamity. Life in the village was becoming normal but everything was shattered in her life and so was in mine too. Rini’s family which was entirely dependent on farming and their prime source of income was completely destroyed. Moreover her father’s death had left them jolted and in severe grief. Slowly when the money sanctioned by the relief fund of the government no longer helped to meet increasing expenditures, they came into the clutch of shear poverty and hunger. But I consoled her every time in every possible way. I supported her mentally to overcome her inevitable loss, gave her courage to fight against all odds. I promised her that, soon I will get a job and marry her so that all her problems will be solved but I had forgotten that I was giving her a false assurance, since our village will never allow me to marry her as I was two years younger to her. Even I used to steal money from my father’s wallet to help her. We used to spend a lot of time together, meeting at the river bank every evening because my presence always soothed her. She believed that the safest place to weep was between my arms. She was always concerned about her helplessness in consoling her mother who hasn't recovered yet from the scene of her husband’s corpse and a sister who almost quit smile and hopes. The only strength that drove her forward between these debacles was just my love, which she too reciprocated evenly.
But soon people started pointing us. Our pious relationship became a matter of discussion for the villagers. People accused her of frolicking with a younger boy in the aftermath of a family grief and they accused me of bringing shame to my family’s ancestral name by romancing an older girl. Boys, who had nothing to do except sitting in shops, whiling away time and passing lewd comments called out her, “ if you can give the kid a chance, why don’t you give us a chance too”. People started to boycott her family but I was spared. Why? I was left off because I came from a respected family and was lucky enough to be born as a male in this patriarchal society of ours. Gradually it became difficult for her to go out, even to the tube well to fetch water or to the temple to worship. There were hot debates on our relationship, throwing dirty tantrums about her character.
One day her uncle arrived in our village and took her family to Bhubaneswar, capital city of Odisha where he worked. Her sudden departure distressed me but before leaving she hugged me and said, “come quickly, I will be waiting for you”. Every Saturday she used to call me, borrowing her friend’s phone. I too used to wait for hours starring at our phone in the evening time every Saturday. I was so impatient that I hardly allowed our phone to complete one ring. The way she used to call my name in her sweet voice, the way she used to express her love for me in a special lilt, the way she used to scold me whenever I had done anything wrong, always made me feel that she was not far away from me, rather she was sitting beside me. Gradually, Saturday became the reason for my survival which had reduced the distance between us from miles to inches. But then came one Saturday which I didn't receive her call. I waited near the phone whole night, but in vain. One...Two...Three...Six...Ten... Saturdays passed by without her call. I was baffled at the sudden absence of her phone calls. I was fretful, agitated from within and upset at same time. I was vexed and kept on wandering the reason behind it.
After few months when I was still waiting, I received a call from her. I had hundreds of questions to ask her, my exasperated mind was commanding my vocal cords to scold her for making me wait for so long, for making me suffer in such a deplorable condition for the past two months but my heart didn't listen to them, it was busy building the castle of love again. But when she opened her mouth I was left dumbfounded. She asked me for a break up. When I dolefully asked her the reason she replied that since her uncle is running her family, paying for almost everything starting from the food they eat to the clothes they wear and even for her college fees, she can’t demand him to make her marry me. She also told that our village will not allow me to marry a girl who was two years elder than me and she was not strong enough to stand against the odds and fight against such an absurd valueless social rule. Her words appalled me and I was outraged. I shouted at her. Accused and abused her like anything. She was sobbing at the other end, apologizing for everything. But I was not in a condition to listen and hung up the phone. Few days later she called me again. She wept a lot, asking me to remain as her friend for lifetime. She always needed me by her side. My anger and ego never allowed me to understand her and again I ended up scolding her. For few months she kept on calling and requested me to talk to her but I never listened to her. Though I still loved her, her decision hurt me a lot. So I never tried to understand her problem, the traumatic condition through which she must have been through to take such a decision. Slowly she too stopped calling me.
After completing my graduation, I joined a builder as his supervisor at Bhubaneswar. I toiled day and night and became my boss’s favorite. Slowly he started offering me with more work and more sites to handle. Within a span of two years I had my own flat, a bike and a respectable bank balance. I was contended with my life. Though I knew that Rini too stays in that city, I never tried to contact her. Even I had stopped visiting my village which always reminded me of her love and betrayal, which I had considered it to be. In my busy life and tight working schedule’ her thoughts hardly annoyed me. But her letter woke me up one morning. She wanted me to meet her and she insisted it to be very important thing, so I shouldn't be late. Again the butterflies of love started dancing all over my body. The memories which I had buried few years ago bloomed again in my mind. Within a stroke of a minute I saw every beautiful moment with her in a flash back. The sleeping volcano of my feelings erupted again. On my way to her house, to the address she had given me in her letter, I bought a wedding ring as I was sure that she will ask me to marry her. I was making myself strong, preparing my afraid heart for a battle against my family and against the damn rule of the society that a groom should always be elder than his bride. She rushed to me the moment she saw me arriving. Her wet eyes were telling how badly she missed me. I too wanted to hug her and let her know how much I love her. After talking for a while I inquired for the reason behind this unexpected meeting optimistically though I knew the reason and was playing with the ring inside my pocket, getting ready to fit it to her tender finger. “My marriage is fixed with son of my uncle’s boss.” she said sadly. “I was helpless. I can’t stand against my uncle’s will” and she wanted me to attend her marriage. She wanted me to be there with her in such an important stage of her life. It felt like I had been struck by a bolt from the blue. White rage filled me. The anger was so intense that I couldn't speak or maybe it was the numbing pain in my heart that left me speechless. She was sobbing but I stood up gritting my teeth and left the place kicking the chair, turning a deaf ear to Rini’s pleas to stay.
She got married. I got the news but I never talked to her again though she tried a lot. I felt dejected and started living an isolated melancholic life. I wept and wailed in my loneliness. I became inactive in everything. Slowly I started committing careless mistakes in my job and as a result one day I was fired when I incurred a big loss to my boss. Within few months my bank account was zilch and I had to sell my bike and my house to pay back the loans. Ultimately I left the city and went back to my village. Back to where I belong…..
“This was my story, an unsuccessful love story”, few drops of tear rolled down my eyes. He took a long puff from his pipe, remained silent for a moment and then said that I had done a wrong thing by leaving her alone, when she needed me to be with her as her friend. He said that when I was loving her , I was happy with my life and I was prospering in my job and the day I started hating her , I became sad with my life and thus my collapse started. He tried to make me understand that every teenager thinks that love means to achieve but the biggest meaning of love is in understanding and in sacrifice. He said that Rini too loved me a lot but it was impossible for her to cross the line that this society had drawn. These things happen in movies and novels, but in real life and in a village like this, it was impossible for a girl to fight for her love especially for one who was younger than her. He said that once he too had done such a mistake by misunderstanding his lover who got married. Neither she lived happily there with her husband nor could he. One day she committed suicide and he is roaming like mad, smoking weeds since then…
I realized that I had committed a terrible mistake. True love is not just about living together. Sometimes it demands sacrifice for the happiness of the person whom you love truly. The worst part is that most of the times you have to sacrifice your love just to prove the depth of your love. I didn't want Rini to live her entire life in guilt. So the next day I visited her and met with her family. She was extremely glad to see me and we spent a blissful afternoon together. After I left her home, I felt extremely relieved, in high spirit.
Now I am not only a successful businessman who built up a sound career, but also a human-being who have learnt to live with someone’s love in my heart rather than hatred for her in my mind.
It was because of that incessant rain that I took shade under my neighbor’s thatched roof, waiting for the rain to stop. So after making sure that no-one is watching, I slid my hand through the window and snatched a big sheet of paper and ran home covering my head. The moment I reached my house, I saw a girl coming running behind me, yelling. “That was my drawing sheet”. Confused, I turned the paper and realized that she was right. The green color that she had used for the mountains was spread throughout. Now even the rivers were carrying green water and houses had turned green. “Sorry, I saw the wrong side of the paper. I thought it was blank.” She was busy wiping the color from the drawing sheet. “But it’s your mistake that you applied too much of green color”, I said and ran into my house. Though she complained against me to my father for which I was severely beaten, slowly we came close and became good friends. She was studying in class five at that time and I was in class three. Age difference was not a valid factor to over shine our relation.
I carried her pot whenever she used to go to the tube well to fetch water. We both even ran together through paddy field dividers to get her father his lunch. We used to play for hours in the muddy roads and by throwing cow dung cakes on each other. As kids, we were devoid of restrictions. But when time raced away, everything changed. There were so many meanings for boy-girl relations in society which we couldn't understand at that small age, but our parents did. Our meetings shrank considerably. In this period my mind started automating a strange feeling for her. I was feeling a pang in my heart and my eyes always searched for Rini every time. I had no idea of what was happening to me, before I started realizing that I am in love. One evening, gaining all energy, I proposed her behind Ganesh temple. She stood dumbstruck. It took her quite a while to recover from the shock. Soon as she recovered, she vanished. I didn't see her for a week. I was afraid that she might complain to my father this time also. Few days later she came to my house. I was sitting inside my room and she was talking to my mother. When my mother went outside giving her a bowl of sweets, she came to me and asked to have one. I refused first, but later I took one from her bowl. But to my surprise she asked me to have just a bite and let her have the rest. I asked her to get a fresh one. But she snatched that sweet from me and had the same. I was not able to understand why she was acting loony. I was about to scold her. But she placed her palm over my lips and whispered in a naughty tone “dumbo! I love you too”. It was raining heavily that day too, reminding me of our first encounter. But this time dark clouds appeared pink to me and they were raining love incessantly. This was how our love story blossomed...
29th September, 1999 was the day of massacre when the super cyclone hit the coastal Odisha .The cyclone dumped heavy torrential rain causing record breaking flooding in the low-lying areas. The storm surge was 26 feet, about 8 meters which struck the coastal planes, traveling up to 20 kilometer inland. Everyone was petrified by the devastating wind. Residents of thatched roof houses were shifted to rescue centers and Rini’s family took shelter in our house. By the same night, our village was entirely submerged in flood. Wind remained playing the havoc which created mayhem in the entire village for the whole night. The next day after noon when the wind preceded a little Rini’s father went in search of his cattle. But an unexpected wind slam hit again which was tame less enough to shower mass destruction. When he didn't return for more than two hours, everyone went absolutely mad in fear of the unexpected. It was bedlam. I and my father went in search of him. The sight we saw on the way was nerve wrecking. Human dead bodies and cattle carcasses were flowing together in the flood water. Women and children were screaming in pain at the loss and not a single house was visible to a distance that my eyes could see. In the mean time I spotted a person under the debris who was wearing the same color dhoti that her father was wearing that day. My hands trembled to lift the person and identify him. My heart froze for a moment, unusual chillness griped my body and my senses stopped working for a minute when I saw his face, which was more than half smashed being snapped under a tree. My choked throat cried out in pain when I realized that the dead body was none other than Sahoo uncle’s, Rini’s father.
Six months passed after that calamity. Life in the village was becoming normal but everything was shattered in her life and so was in mine too. Rini’s family which was entirely dependent on farming and their prime source of income was completely destroyed. Moreover her father’s death had left them jolted and in severe grief. Slowly when the money sanctioned by the relief fund of the government no longer helped to meet increasing expenditures, they came into the clutch of shear poverty and hunger. But I consoled her every time in every possible way. I supported her mentally to overcome her inevitable loss, gave her courage to fight against all odds. I promised her that, soon I will get a job and marry her so that all her problems will be solved but I had forgotten that I was giving her a false assurance, since our village will never allow me to marry her as I was two years younger to her. Even I used to steal money from my father’s wallet to help her. We used to spend a lot of time together, meeting at the river bank every evening because my presence always soothed her. She believed that the safest place to weep was between my arms. She was always concerned about her helplessness in consoling her mother who hasn't recovered yet from the scene of her husband’s corpse and a sister who almost quit smile and hopes. The only strength that drove her forward between these debacles was just my love, which she too reciprocated evenly.
But soon people started pointing us. Our pious relationship became a matter of discussion for the villagers. People accused her of frolicking with a younger boy in the aftermath of a family grief and they accused me of bringing shame to my family’s ancestral name by romancing an older girl. Boys, who had nothing to do except sitting in shops, whiling away time and passing lewd comments called out her, “ if you can give the kid a chance, why don’t you give us a chance too”. People started to boycott her family but I was spared. Why? I was left off because I came from a respected family and was lucky enough to be born as a male in this patriarchal society of ours. Gradually it became difficult for her to go out, even to the tube well to fetch water or to the temple to worship. There were hot debates on our relationship, throwing dirty tantrums about her character.
One day her uncle arrived in our village and took her family to Bhubaneswar, capital city of Odisha where he worked. Her sudden departure distressed me but before leaving she hugged me and said, “come quickly, I will be waiting for you”. Every Saturday she used to call me, borrowing her friend’s phone. I too used to wait for hours starring at our phone in the evening time every Saturday. I was so impatient that I hardly allowed our phone to complete one ring. The way she used to call my name in her sweet voice, the way she used to express her love for me in a special lilt, the way she used to scold me whenever I had done anything wrong, always made me feel that she was not far away from me, rather she was sitting beside me. Gradually, Saturday became the reason for my survival which had reduced the distance between us from miles to inches. But then came one Saturday which I didn't receive her call. I waited near the phone whole night, but in vain. One...Two...Three...Six...Ten... Saturdays passed by without her call. I was baffled at the sudden absence of her phone calls. I was fretful, agitated from within and upset at same time. I was vexed and kept on wandering the reason behind it.
After few months when I was still waiting, I received a call from her. I had hundreds of questions to ask her, my exasperated mind was commanding my vocal cords to scold her for making me wait for so long, for making me suffer in such a deplorable condition for the past two months but my heart didn't listen to them, it was busy building the castle of love again. But when she opened her mouth I was left dumbfounded. She asked me for a break up. When I dolefully asked her the reason she replied that since her uncle is running her family, paying for almost everything starting from the food they eat to the clothes they wear and even for her college fees, she can’t demand him to make her marry me. She also told that our village will not allow me to marry a girl who was two years elder than me and she was not strong enough to stand against the odds and fight against such an absurd valueless social rule. Her words appalled me and I was outraged. I shouted at her. Accused and abused her like anything. She was sobbing at the other end, apologizing for everything. But I was not in a condition to listen and hung up the phone. Few days later she called me again. She wept a lot, asking me to remain as her friend for lifetime. She always needed me by her side. My anger and ego never allowed me to understand her and again I ended up scolding her. For few months she kept on calling and requested me to talk to her but I never listened to her. Though I still loved her, her decision hurt me a lot. So I never tried to understand her problem, the traumatic condition through which she must have been through to take such a decision. Slowly she too stopped calling me.
After completing my graduation, I joined a builder as his supervisor at Bhubaneswar. I toiled day and night and became my boss’s favorite. Slowly he started offering me with more work and more sites to handle. Within a span of two years I had my own flat, a bike and a respectable bank balance. I was contended with my life. Though I knew that Rini too stays in that city, I never tried to contact her. Even I had stopped visiting my village which always reminded me of her love and betrayal, which I had considered it to be. In my busy life and tight working schedule’ her thoughts hardly annoyed me. But her letter woke me up one morning. She wanted me to meet her and she insisted it to be very important thing, so I shouldn't be late. Again the butterflies of love started dancing all over my body. The memories which I had buried few years ago bloomed again in my mind. Within a stroke of a minute I saw every beautiful moment with her in a flash back. The sleeping volcano of my feelings erupted again. On my way to her house, to the address she had given me in her letter, I bought a wedding ring as I was sure that she will ask me to marry her. I was making myself strong, preparing my afraid heart for a battle against my family and against the damn rule of the society that a groom should always be elder than his bride. She rushed to me the moment she saw me arriving. Her wet eyes were telling how badly she missed me. I too wanted to hug her and let her know how much I love her. After talking for a while I inquired for the reason behind this unexpected meeting optimistically though I knew the reason and was playing with the ring inside my pocket, getting ready to fit it to her tender finger. “My marriage is fixed with son of my uncle’s boss.” she said sadly. “I was helpless. I can’t stand against my uncle’s will” and she wanted me to attend her marriage. She wanted me to be there with her in such an important stage of her life. It felt like I had been struck by a bolt from the blue. White rage filled me. The anger was so intense that I couldn't speak or maybe it was the numbing pain in my heart that left me speechless. She was sobbing but I stood up gritting my teeth and left the place kicking the chair, turning a deaf ear to Rini’s pleas to stay.
She got married. I got the news but I never talked to her again though she tried a lot. I felt dejected and started living an isolated melancholic life. I wept and wailed in my loneliness. I became inactive in everything. Slowly I started committing careless mistakes in my job and as a result one day I was fired when I incurred a big loss to my boss. Within few months my bank account was zilch and I had to sell my bike and my house to pay back the loans. Ultimately I left the city and went back to my village. Back to where I belong…..
“This was my story, an unsuccessful love story”, few drops of tear rolled down my eyes. He took a long puff from his pipe, remained silent for a moment and then said that I had done a wrong thing by leaving her alone, when she needed me to be with her as her friend. He said that when I was loving her , I was happy with my life and I was prospering in my job and the day I started hating her , I became sad with my life and thus my collapse started. He tried to make me understand that every teenager thinks that love means to achieve but the biggest meaning of love is in understanding and in sacrifice. He said that Rini too loved me a lot but it was impossible for her to cross the line that this society had drawn. These things happen in movies and novels, but in real life and in a village like this, it was impossible for a girl to fight for her love especially for one who was younger than her. He said that once he too had done such a mistake by misunderstanding his lover who got married. Neither she lived happily there with her husband nor could he. One day she committed suicide and he is roaming like mad, smoking weeds since then…
I realized that I had committed a terrible mistake. True love is not just about living together. Sometimes it demands sacrifice for the happiness of the person whom you love truly. The worst part is that most of the times you have to sacrifice your love just to prove the depth of your love. I didn't want Rini to live her entire life in guilt. So the next day I visited her and met with her family. She was extremely glad to see me and we spent a blissful afternoon together. After I left her home, I felt extremely relieved, in high spirit.
Now I am not only a successful businessman who built up a sound career, but also a human-being who have learnt to live with someone’s love in my heart rather than hatred for her in my mind.
“Not every love
stories are meant to end in each other’s arm, some are made to see how happily
you can live by seeing your love secured in someone else’s arm.”
yes it is raining again... rain makes life beautiful. Don't complain if it makes your window pan hazy. It is just trying to wash away the dirt that have accumulated over the time. Its your duty to just wipe out the moisture outside. You will see everything clearer than before. Life is no different. All we need is a heavy rain to clear us of all the dirt, the evil thoughts, the regrets that have been clinging to us from quite a long and start everything afresh.
If this rain, brings you back memories of some good past moments with your special ones and who are no more in your life, no need to be sad. Cherish those memories in this rain, cherish those memories happily.
