JUST ANOTHER CRAP...

Indian television has failed us time and again. Those numerous shows telecasted have disrespected women everytime they have characterized her nothing less than some venomous snake, they have disrespected the family values everytime they have celebrated rifts in relationships, while portraying marriages in peculiar ways where they make a person marry atleast thrice, they have made jokes of our customs, the medical theories were mocked everytime the plastic surgery had not only changed face but the entire appearance of the person. The Extravagant set ups, lavish houses, costly attires was all that was showed to us in the name of entertainment that accompanied those foolish scripts. The Indian television hit the lowest when a soap was broadcasted that depicted love between a kid and a woman where every now and then the kid was found drooling his eyes over a beautiful lady trying to seduce her in an way or the other. Thanks, to the uproar in the social media that finally led to the closure of such a bizarre show that imparted nothing but vulgarity.

In this article I won’t be talking about hundreds of such shows in the past (many of them are still running) that propagated nothing but stupidity and did nothing in enriching Indian brains.

Here I want to talk about a current show that I find stupid from all aspects. And I feel pity for those who are watching this show daily without a miss. I said I feel pity for the audience; I didn’t call them stupid for watching such a show because they are not left with enough options to choose from. In the name of entertainment they have always been served stupidity.

Anyways, everything was going fine till I came to know that Dhinchak Pooja have entered the house. This is a new low in the already crippled Indian television.

Now I can imagine the future endeavors to be achieved by this lady. She will stay in the house, participate in the tasks, get votes from audience (as I said people have no other option), she may win the show or she may not, then few months later we will find her in some other show, then few more shows and she will acclaimed as a television star. Then she will be giving interviews on national channels and print media about her struggle, passion for music, determination to learn and create good music and then her enchanting journey in the industry. She will be preaching viewers to work hard citing examples from her life, the hurdles that stood on her way and how she jumped over them bravely, the trolls that she faced and how she kept herself strong enough to ignore them and concentrated in her good work and produced some soulful tracks. She will make millions of followers and who knows some magazine or agency may nominate her as the, “women of the decade” in the near future.

These speculations are possible. Aren’t they? In India everything is possible. Actually we make them possible. And we can’t even blame Dhinchak Pooja for all this. After all it is we who turned the complete crap into a viral sensation overnight. Now she has all the rights over this popularity. She proved that anyone without potential, talent and credentials can rise to this position. And our trolls and attention helps them achieve this.

Come on, if RG can claim the PM chair, Gurmehar kaur is declared the next Gen leader, Judwaa 2 can be the second highest grosser of this year, then we have no right to question Indian Television and Dhinchak Pooja. Do we have?

I think we should ask ourselves this question.

Have we grown up as audience? Have we ever valued the real talents?

Everytime we clap at those mindless scripts and share stupid videos just for fun, we actually murder real talents and prove that we deserve such stupid shows.

P.S. All the points made here are my personal opinion. You may have differences with me in some points. But believe me, I DON’T CARE. Thank you. 

I AM THE INDEPENDENCE

I am more than

Just a holiday

when you relax on your lounge

with that air-conditioner under your roof 

enjoying every drop of your hot coffee

switching and tuning channels

where national channel is only selected in the breaks

Remember, I am more than just a day...

I am the ages of struggle you forgot.

I am more than

Just the long weekend you were looking for

Trips, visiting to your relatives, get-togethers

The night outs, booze parties or your most awaited secluded outing

Remember, I am more than the fun you are looking for …

I am the memorial of bloods spilled, sweats broke and the heads rolled.

I am more than

Just a freedom sale

The big hoardings displaying the discounts draped in tricolor

The malls trying to allure you with the brands getting sold at half the rate

Online stores flashing advertisements

Every time you are activating that bloody internet of yours

Shoes, apparels, mobiles and what not

Remember I more than an offer, I am not a commodity in the market….

I am the economy, the financial growth.

I am more than

Just a Facebook post of yours 

The profile picture you will change with the tricolor in the corner

The forwarded messages coated with nationalism 

The status you will update that will get vanished the next day

I am more than that, I am not the show off stuff in the social media…

I am the words which sets you free 

I am your freedom of speech.

I am more than

The political speeches

The praises, the accusations

The supports, the complains

The silence, the applauds

I am more than that, I am not your stunts to gather votes…

I am not political, yet I govern all the politics.

I am more than

The game of division that will be played infront of different communities

The seeds of lie that will be sowed

The fake sweets of appeasement politics that will be fed

The dagger of religion dipped in the poison of hatred that will be stabbed silently

The fights that will be provoked  

And your screams for independence in an already independent country

I am more than that…

I am the equality, the justice.

I am the independence.

I am the free air you are breathing in

The life you are living….

A PLOT IN MY CITY - ANOTHER STORY THAT OCCURS BEHIND THE VEIL

Bhubaneswar was growing then. She is still growing up. She was extending her limits. From being just a planned capital city of a neglected, unexplored, underdeveloped state, it was emerging into a business hot spot, an education hub, an IT corridor and a center for super specialty hospitals. This resulted in the inflow of swarm of people with vivid interests into the town. Some came here for business, some for their jobs and some for education.  So she had to extend her boundaries to accommodate everyone who landed up here. She has always been an affectionate mother.

The requirement for land led people to reach the inaccessible areas. The opening of two big private universities along with other institutions at the two corners of the city led to the mega turnout of those areas in particular. The institutes that welcomed thousands of students every year made those areas the new face of the city. Those areas which were considered as the most remote sites at some point of time turned out to be the favorite location of business for many. Thus, market complexes, lavishing hotels, places of amusements, corporate hospitals, etc sprung up in those areas rapidly.

And with all these developments, what went sky high was the price of those lands. And with this the operations of land mafias became prevalent. People were duped, looted and tortured for land. While many were dusted to ground and lost their dreams, land mafias and their associates became millionaire overnight. From snake charmers who used to catch snakes in the forest covered areas and amuse people in the city, they grew up suddenly to become millionaire who drove Audi, Jaguar and what not.  And this is not the story of Land mafias alone. It’s the symbiotic relationship of the entire system that nurtured them.

Let me tell you the story that occurs behind the veil when Bhubaneswar is growing up, a story that is no different from the stories of many unfortunates from other developing cities throughout this country…

Mr. Ramakant sahu is a class 2 government employee who stayed in a Government allotted quarter in Bhubaneswar. It was in 90’s when the concept of, “Builder and land development societies” had just reached the city.

The dream of having an own house sparkles in every eye. Rich or poor, everyone wants a place which they can claim to be their own. With such a dream nourished from years in his soul, Ramkant bought a land from such a society. He drew all his savings but failed to buy a plot in the centre of the city. It was that period when Bhubaneswar was just a new bird. It was yet to stretch out her wings. So, he decided to buy a plot from the undeveloped corner of the city which just fell into his budget. So ultimately in the year of 1993, Ramakant finished all the paper works and got the land registered to his name. Young Ramakant celebrated the day with his wife and his boy.

In few years they welcomed a girl child to their family. With time the burden on his shoulders increased. The expenditures on family increased. Nourishing the family, educating his kids, fulfilling their wishes, responsibilities towards the relatives, medicines of old aging parents, loan installments, everything just squeezed him up. He had forgotten when last he had bought a pair of new clothes for himself and for his beloved wife. He had forgotten when last he had tasted some food outside. He starved in his lunch hours, wore the same old clothes again and again to save some money. But still he failed to build a house at the plot he had purchased. All he could succeed in making was a boundary wall and an outhouse in his land.

Every Sunday he used to paddle kilometers carrying his boy on his Hero cycle to see his plot. He would show the land to his son happily that it belongs to them and someday they will build a house there. His son would look his father with pride and admiration.

Years after, the face of those areas completely changed. Those undeveloped areas changed into the most expensive area of the city.

After several years also, Ramakant had not left his routine exercise of cycling to visit his land miles away. With growing age, his bones became fragile, but his spirit was still high. He still nurtured the dream of building his own house.

Like every weekend, that weekend also he visited his plot. It was always his patch of land that remained empty. But this time he failed to find his empty patch of land. Instead he saw construction work going on there. Four pillars stood on his land inside the boundary wall. Few laborers were busy in sand filling where as few others were spraying water on the newly made concrete pillar.  He stood bedazzled.

After regaining his sense, he rushed into the construction area. Afraid, he asked the laborers, supervisors, everyone there about the construction work. None had any answer. All that they said was that they were only hired to work there. He fell down.

Few minutes later he regained some energy and started obstructing the workers from carrying out any work. They stopped too. By then the supervisor had called up the person who has employed them there. With in no time, a dark, obese man with thick golden chain hung down his neck that oscillated to and fro as he walked towards Ramakant arrived in the construction site. The moment he arrived there, he lit a cigarette and shouted at Ramakant for stopping the work. Words accompanied by puffs of smoke rained out of his mouth. The words that he used were tearing up Ramakant’s drums. They were intolerable.

Before he could have said anything, the dark fat man ordered his workers to throw Ramakant out of the property. Thus, MR. Ramakant was thrown out of his own land and was warned not to enter it ever. He was even said by the fat man that it was Ramakant’s mistake for keeping the land empty for so long and now that he has captured it, Ramkant is not going to get it back.

Trembling out of fear of losing his only property, Ramakant cycled to the local Police station with all his papers. Police said him that they cannot help him as it is a civil case. They advised him to file a civil case.

He filed a civil case. This entitled him to take the help of the nearby police station to drive away the illegal encroachment. But the local police fooled him again and again for their personal profit. So, when he realized this he approached the highest authority of the police department. But unfortunately he was so less important that he failed to even draw their attention towards his plea. He then tried to contact the media houses. But no one does anything for free. Everything comes with a price tag and he was not able to afford that amount.

Thus, Ramakant’s case became a part of those thousand of pending cases in the court. Dates after dates rolled on. Months changed to years. The sorrow of losing his only property and the huge fees of his lawyer fastened his aging process. He looked atleast ten years older than his age. His hairs turned white. His fair skin turned dark getting tanned in the sun. He became leaner with sunken cheeks resembling an old man suffering from malnutrition. All he could get in these years was false hope but not the judgment that he was actually looking for.

Meanwhile, the illegal encroacher finished building a swanky house in Ramakant’s land and put it in rent.

one weekend his son forced to accompany him who had just returned finishing his studies after years. Ramakant had not disclosed this to his son earlier when he was studying. He didn’t want anything to hamper his studies. Moreover, he didn’t want to feel timid infront of his son. He didn’t want his son to lose the respect and the pride that he carried for his father. He was afraid of humiliation.

His son looked at him with pride. The respect for his father increased many folds after he learned about his fight. He hugged his father, kissed his cheeks. Ramakant had turned cold. He looked deep into his father’s eyes. Ramakant was still avoiding an eye contact. His son said, “Papa you have grown me up well, educated me. Now it is my turn. I know lots of memories of yours are associated with this piece of land. I cannot get back this plot for you but I promise I will earn enough to buy a land ten times bigger than this. I promise you that you will build your own house exactly the way you have always dreamed off.” Tears rolled down Ramakant’s eyes. He hugged his son tight and both of them returned back.

Bhubaneswar is turning into a nouveau riche city with different grades of people competing for wealth and power. Both wealth and power breeds prosperity as well as crime. So crime of various faces is growing up in this city recently behind the veil when we are busy in celebrations of the acceptance of Bhubaneswar as a smart city. Bhubaneswar is an adolescent, immature, vigorous and energetic city. It is very important to keep it away from developing the ugly warts.

Long live my love, the beautiful city, Bhubaneswar. 

GO SLOW - A NEW YEAR READ

16 is turning to 17. I know you will take few days to get used to it. Till then you are going to commit the same mistake of scribbling 2016 everywhere you are going to mention the date. “Oops, its 2017 now. I have to correct it.” Everything will now move on to a new year except you. It can be because you are habituated with 16 from last one year, or can be because you love the year so much that you don’t want it to pass or can be because it was so bad that you are not able to forget it. Whatever the reason may be, now you have to let 2016 go. You can’t incarcerate time. Actually, her purpose in your life is just over now. She came a year back, stayed with you, gave you some good and bad memories and now it’s the time to bid her goodbye.

And now when the year is ending, you are filled with a peculiar yet a known feeling. You have talked about this again and again when a year had ended in the past. “OMG, the year is ending. What have I done in this year?” “Except being the part of the rat race what else have I done?”

Actually you have lived your life so fast, that you forgot to experience it. You fell in love fast, broke up even faster, you made friends fast, made enemies even faster, you believed people fast, you got cheated even faster, you saw dreams and set your goals fast, you forgot them even faster, you settled down on doing something good for the society fast, forgot your notion even faster. You have lived this year and may be many years in the past with rollers fixed on to your legs. You have just moved on and on. You have not stopped for your beloved ones; neither have they done the same for you. 

I understand, in this competitive world, you want to run, you want to improve and you want to win the race. “Winning”, is not a stationary point where you can reach. It keeps on changing. Goal keeps on evolving and you have to chase behind it. I understand that completely. But, in between that you have to live and experience your life. So, I will suggest you to do certain things slowly from this year so that you can experience and treasure them as beautiful memories.

Fall in love but slowly. If you like someone, take your time. Let love bring you both together. If love is conspired between you both, believe me, no one can take that person away from you. There is no need of hurrying into a relationship and breaking it up in no time. You are hurting yourself and definitely the other person. You have no right to hurt anyone else just for the decision you had taken hurriedly.

Make friends, slowly. Not everyone will become your friend; neither can you become everyone’s friend. So take your time, make some good friends for life and experience that true selfless friendship. 

Believe people, slowly again. Know them, judge them and then trust them. There is no point of believing every other person and then complaining that they ditched you. Take your time and find out slowly on whom you can believe.

Except just going in and coming out of that lavish office of yours, you have a passion, nourish it, slowly. Every night before you sleep, you have promised yourself to start working on your passion from the next day. But the very next morning you have always broken that promise of yours. I understand, you have lots of work piled one over the other and the sword of deadline is hanging over your neck. But believe me; this sword will always remain there. So, don’t think that someday you will finish all your jobs and give time to your passion. My friend, that day will never come. So, slow down. Giving few minutes to your passion won’t cost you your next promotion but definitely it will fill your heart and soul with peace and lots of happiness. It may be a small painting you want to do, a poem you want to write or a song you want to record. I don’t know what it is that will give you solace. But slow down, think over it and do it.

After watching the episodes of “Sathyamev Jayate”, you have always planned to do something good for the society. But you forget the same the next day. I will suggest you to get inspired and not ignited. Inspiration is something that stays with you till you do that work. So next time, get inspired and do something good for the society. It can be anything; you can just start by planting a tree or by lending a book to a downtrodden child. So, slow down, think over it, get inspired and bring the change.

Life is not always about running fast and overtaking your competitors. Sometimes it is essential to slow down, so that you can experience the moments. These are the moments which make that you call life. Promotions, hikes, incentives, good appraisals are important. But what are equally important in life are experiences, happiness and peace. And for that you have to slow down and do something that will nourish your soul. I know you know about this very well and I am talking something cheesy. But I am just trying to remind you in case you have forgotten it.  

Wish you all a very happy and prosperous new year.

A NEW YEAR LOVE STORY

Those were the days when we used to stay in a rented apartment at Belapur, Navi mumbai. One evening we were reclining on a small couch, pushing each other to get enough space. Our eyes were fixed on the TV as our favorite show was going on. We were so engrossed into the show that we had forgotten to switch on the fan even though we were sweating profusely in that hot sultry evening. I didn’t get up to switch on the fan, afraid of losing my place on the couch to another friend who was sitting down on the mat keeping an eye on the couch. I guess others too have turned down the idea of switching on the fan fearing the same.

Suddenly Prabin, who was sitting just beside me jumped up his place, shouting, “Rahila”. “Yes, she is there”, he added. We were startled. At first we couldn’t understand what he was trying to say. “Yes, I found her. Yes I did”, he muttered. Astounded, we all surrounded him. Of a sudden our attention turned towards him. But he pushed us aside and kept his gaze on the show, threw the pillow he was holding and moved close to the TV.  His eyes glued to the show and ours to his insane behavior.

The show got over in the next few minutes. We went close to him. We didn’t ask him anything, but looked at him closely. With his moist eyes and trembling lips, he uttered, “Rahila…Rahila is here”, his fingers pointed towards the TV.  It was as if he had seen somebody, someone he was searching from quite a long time. “Where? Whom are you talking about?” it was the first question I asked him. “Rahila”, he replied with wide eyes.

Then he narrated his story….

“1^st January of 2006, we were going to meet. I had asked her to come to the  oldest banyan tree close to the lake after her father had left for his work. I  wanted to confess my love for her on the New Year's eve. I was always said by my mother that whatever you do on the New Year day, you do the same throughout the year. I wanted to express my feelings to her on the same day. I wanted to do the same throughout the year. 

 Like most of the malayalis, I was more interested in football, swimming and  fishing than in arithmetic and history. Being born to the most beautiful place on the mother earth, Munnar, I was a nature’s boy. I spent my whole childhood wandering in the nature’s lap.

 Apart from my nagging parents, the only reason I used to go to the school  was her, Rahila. I would cycle behind her father’s scooter from her place to the school. Sitting behind her father, she would keep grinning, showing her pearly whites. My legs used to work synchronous with the speed of his father’s scooter. They paddle faster when his scooter used to gain some speed and would slow down as he would break at the speed breaker.

At school our teachers never allowed boys to interact much with the girls. So, my interaction with Rahila was very limited. But still we always used to find out some way to talk. I used to catch fish every evening. And I used to take the most stunning, colored fish to Rahila. I used to keep the fish alive in my Tiffin box by filling it with some water and show her the same, the next day in the lunch break. I just loved to see her smile and those shinning dark eyes that used to get bigger seeing the surprise. I was up to doing anything to see that divine, glittering smile of her. I didn’t know, but every time I used to see her smiling, my heart used to get filled with immense happiness. It was like as if her smile was enough to please my soul.

 It was always a beautiful feeling to have her by my side. When, I was a kid I remained confused but when I grew up I realized that it was nothing but love. Soon I decided to express the same to her. I planned to give her a surprise and that too on the New Year eve. I wanted to make the day special and nothing can be more special than a New Year day. She had always told me, how much she wanted to see a tree house. There was one, an abandoned one. It was on a huge old Banyan tree near the lake, just half a mile away from her house just before the woods started. I worked on it for days, cleaning and remodeling it, replacing few old damaged wooden planks. And at last I made it ready.

So, the special day arrived. The New Year eve's arrived. I was all set to express her, my feelings. I was convinced that she would never deny me. As I believed it’s not only from my side, the fire of love was burning in both the sides. I didn’t want to keep it inside me anymore. I just wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I thought when we both have the same feeling for each other then it would be my foolishness if I would keep it hidden any longer.

But she didn’t come that day. I waited for her till the evening. But she didn’t come. Yes, she didn’t.

Even she didn’t come to the school the next day. The next day too. I went to her place. Her house was locked. It remained locked ever since then. Seeing me waiting infront of Rahila’s house every day, one day her cousin sister who lived close to her place came out and talked to me. What she said shocked me, brought tears to my eyes. I cried incessantly. I trembled in anger. But nothing was there left in my hands to do. I had already lost her. I had always thought that Rahila shared with me everything, even the smallest of the affairs that was occurring in her life. But I was wrong. She had kept one secret hidden from me. She was in love with someone and she had kept me aloof of that secret.

On the 31^st December, she had lied her parents to be with that guy. And that guy was a cheat who had no love for Rahila. He only wanted to play with her body. He took her to an abandoned place. Blind in love, she too followed him. There he tried to molest her. But fortunately she was rescued by few workers working there. To save themselves from the humiliation, her family ran off the place the same night.

Ever since then till now on every New Year day, I visit the same place where I had called her with a hope that someday she will come there and I can get back my love.”

The next day we went to the set of that particular TV show. A Mumbai friend of ours introduced us to a team member of the production house that runs the show. We talked to him. We talked to many other people. But no one had any clue about that particular girl in the audience.  Prabin even took leave from his job and looked for her at every possible place throughout the Mumbai. He didn’t miss the shooting of even a single episode for next two months, thinking that one day he would find her for sure. But that didn’t happen. After few months, he was transferred to Pune. Before leaving, he met the same team member of the show and gave him a picture of Rahila that he had shot from that episode, with his contact details written at the back and asked him to tell about him if she ever comes to the show in the future.  

Months passed by but he didn’t get any information about Rahila. I tried to convince him that she is not written in his destiny. But he was not ready to accept it. He was not ready to admit that he should move on by now. How clear the situation may be, one will never accept the fact that they have already lost the person they love. You give them plenty of reasons to forget and move on but the person in love will always come up with that single reason that will shut your mouth. A person in love always convinces himself that someday he will get back his love, how much impossible it may appear. Love has that strength; it gives that immense power to look beyond the impossible, to fight against and rewrite the destiny.

The year end arrived and there he was ready with his bags packed. This time I accompanied him too. Actually I was looking for a chance to visit at least once the place which people calls, “God’s own country” and there I got the opportunity.

The New Year day it was. He woke up early in the morning and wanted me to accompany him. My lazy body didn’t want to get up so early. My eyes were heavy too. With half opened eyes, I looked at him. He was ready. I saw hope sparkling in his eyes. It seemed as if he was sure of meeting her that day.  I knew he would return back again with broken heart. But I went with him.

We arrived there, shivering in cold. My thick woolen jacket had already surrendered to the chilled winds. The fog had made us partially blind. Prabin used a torch light to find the way through the rough terrain covered with the green growths. I just followed him like an obedient kid.

In the dense fog, only the fat trunk of that huge tree was visible to me and nothing above it. The lake appeared dark and frozen, as if I can walk on it. The grasses were constantly poking my legs. The chilling cold had made their tips tough and sharp. They were hurting me, as if I was the one responsible for that icy winter. Prabin directed the torch towards the tree, putting some light on the huge branch that carried the tree house. “Amit, this is it. This is that tree house”, he said.

“Wont you show it to the person you had built for?” someone spoke from a distance.

Listening to the voice he turned back in a fraction of second, as if it was a known voice to him, the voice he was waiting to hear from quite a long time. I tried hard to look through the dense fog. I was only able to figure out that someone was standing just few meters away.  I thought Prabin would switch on the torch to see the person. But he didn’t. As if he knew the person very well. And then I heard something that stunned me and froze me for a minute. I heard Prabin murmuring, “Rahila…” and “yes, Your Rahila is here for you”, I heard from the other end.

And then… then there was just both of them hugging each other and the silence. And they hugged till they surpassed the pain of separation for years, hugged till both of them shared the warmth of their hearts, till they healed the woes of the past, till their hearts expressed the love for each other, till the sun burnt stronger and brighter in the sky, till the sunrays penetrated the opaque leaves and melted the fog, till the lake water dazzled, till the dew drops on the green grasses sparkled, till the birds chirped and they hugged each other till they realized it’s no dream but truth. Yes they hugged each other till they believed that they have found each other and no power on this earth can ever separate them. 

Rahila had met the crew manager of that show. He had lost Prabin’s contact but told her about him. And Rahila knew where and when she can find her love.

That day I realized the superpower of love and the New Year day. Yes, the New Year day is special. If you are in love and you are looking for a special day to express your feelings, then the New Year day is that special day. You won’t find any day as special as the New Year day. This day is fresh, full of happiness and filled with lots of hope. The New Year day has a magical power to heal all the wounds of the last year. It has the immense power to make you get over all the failures you have faced the last year and to make you strong enough to fight your battle again with a new zeal. The New Year day patches relations, spreads love and happiness. So, if you had a fight with your friend the last year, go and hug that person tight on this day, you will find that person melting in your arms. Go and express your love to your parents, siblings and yes if you are in love with someone, go and tell that person on this New Year day.

Spread love and happiness with everyone you meet on this New Year day and you will be doing the same throughout the year…

 

 

  

YET ANOTHER STORY OF LOVE...

Sea was rough. As per the latest weather report it was going to last for few more days till the cyclone subsides. The Gigantic waves and the increasing wind velocity were combinedly making our ship restless. She was rolling severely and so was I on my bed that night. It was late already. I had duty from early morning. It was not seasickness. We seafarers are all well accustomed to these storms and the movement of the ship in bad weather. Actually I didn’t know what it was. I decided to move to the lounge to finish my incomplete movie. Strangely I met my second engineer there, sitting alone. It was like he was searching for someone. He wanted to pour his heart out. And there he found me... 

It was last year’s Valentine’s Day. I was out to meet a friend at a mall…

“Don’t give this wicked smile, Amit. I was waiting for an old friend of mine who happen to be a boy”.

“Sir, I expected a girl”, I smirked

“There is no girl in my life”

“There was no girl in fact….no girl after her….”

His voice broke. I could see the bulge in his throat. He cleared the same, took out a cigarette from the packet and lit it. In the flame of the lighter I could see his moistened eyes. A thin layer of the tear had wrapped up his eye balls that glistened in the light of the flame. I saw two tiny drops of tear escaping from his eyes, passing over his dried cheeks and landing on his strong hands. He took a long drag from the cigarette, almost till his lungs denied to inflate more and puffed out the smoke into the semi darkened room in the other second. I could only see the smoke whiling like a mini tornado and getting absorbed into the blower in the feeble light of the room.  He continued…

My friend was taking time. I was getting bored and so I started boozing in the bar of the mall. I had few jiggers of whiskey by then when I turned back to look for the waiter.

“I saw her”.

“Yes, I saw Tanisha.”

I saw that spark in his eyes when he took that name, “Tanisha”. I didn’t interrupt him. He went on…

Amit you know, it was almost after 20 years that I saw her in person. I had spent those years seeing her growing up in those profile pictures of her. She was looking gorgeous as always. She was the most beautiful girl of my school then; she is still the most beautiful lady I have ever seen. She was holding her daughter. She looked exactly like her mother; divine. The dark dress that she was wearing was complimenting her well. She has not changed a lot. Those timid twinkling eyes, that glowing face, those free flowing dark hairs that she never clutches reminded me of the past. 

“Sir I am excited. Please tell me your story”, I asked.

In school we came close several times but the real story between us never took place. Those were all my mistakes. I was not convinced that it was her and not anyone else. It all started after we passed our tenth board exam. I shifted to another school while she continued in the same. I proposed her. She didn’t answer. I proposed her again. Again and again… She knew that I was a flirt. She had questions in her mind but she believed me this time. She doubted that I may cheat her someday but her trust on my love overshadowed the same. She took a risk, risk of falling in love with me. I too was determined to give her back the love she deserved. I didn’t want to mess up anything like before. I gave her the strength to believe me. I gave her the promise that she can rely on. I gave her the love she always craved for and moreover the faith on which she can stand against all odds.

I still remember the first time we met outside. She was accompanied by her best friend but her friend gave us the needed space. We went on for a walk. I didn’t know what to say. I was talking this and that. Our hands were colliding with each other while walking when suddenly she slipped her fingers into mine and in the other second we were holding each other’s hand tightly. I experienced a spark, a chilling sensation in my spines. My legs stopped, denied to take another step. I looked into her eyes. Still holding her hands, I embraced her tender fingers and said, “My love thanks for believing me. I will never ever leave your hand.”

But I failed…I failed to keep that promise…

Once she was suffering from chickenpox and I went to her place to see her. She had asked me to sit about two and half feet away from her fearing the contagiousness of that disease. She was all red. Reddish swellings had popped off all around her face. They looked more prominent because of her fair complexion. She appeared dull in the pain of the disease. She was worried of the marks that the disease will leave behind. I missed her smile. I missed the shine in her eyes that bedazzled always. She was repeating the same thing that the chickenpox would leave her back ugly forever. I just couldn’t stop myself and stepped ahead and hugged her. I just wanted to convey her that she shouldn’t worry about that, everything would be fine and I would always stay with her. She reciprocated the hug too but pushed me away the moment she realized the aftereffect of the hug.

The next day I found two painful red marks on my right shoulder. The moment I told about the same to her over the phone, I was summoned to appear in front of her. She was crying, crying like a child and was apologizing me for giving me that disease.  She took out all her tablets and popped them one after the other into my mouth. She then brought some ointments and applied the same on those reddish swellings on my shoulder.

She has always been very affectionate. I just can’t ever forget that care and warmth of her.

Since we were in different schools, we decided to visit the same tutors and thus the physics tuition became our meeting ground. I remember, she used to lie her class timing to her father so that we can get maximum time to spend together before he arrives there to pick her up. 

I have always known him as a rude man who keeps on working all the day. Even if he is off duty one can never find him sitting idle. Either he will be reading something or else polishing any metal piece with sand paper. That day for the first time I saw his eyes glistening. It seemed like an ember, a fragment smoldering in the fire that was burning inside him. I saw a smile in his face that I had never seen before. It was the smile that comes of its own when one talks of his love and the moments spent together. I could see his eyes narrowing down as his lips widened with the smile. He carried on….

Amit, you know, she was a sports freak and a huge fan of WWF. Every night we talked, she would force me to listen to the stories of the recent fights. She was a strong girl then. She must be a strong lady now. I remember once few guys surrounded us while we were talking outside our school. I got frightened but she bravely showed them the way out of the place.

She used to write poems. She often used to recite them to me. I never understood them completely. But I always appreciated her in the end.  I just loved to hear her reciting those poems to me; I just loved that happiness that she used to get when I used to appreciate her poems.

 I miss her poems now, I miss her now…

His face suddenly turned gloomy. He bent down to reach for his packet of cigarettes, took one out and lit it. He smoked for a while without saying anything. I didn’t disturb him either…

One late night I received a call from an unknown girl. According to her she had seen me with her friend once and had started liking me from then. I didn’t believe her. I knew she was lying but I continued to talk to her. I was incarcerated by that momentary pleasure, that temptation. I didn’t realize then that I was going to cheat Tanisha by doing so. I thought just talking over phone to some stranger girl would not label me as a cheater. Moreover, I thought no one could ever discover that secret affair of mine over the phone. Believe me, I had felt guilty numerous times but every time I had convinced myself by telling that I was only talking on phone and nothing more than that.

Within few days she disclosed the entire story behind the veil. I was taken aback to discover that she was Tanisha’s cousin sister, Aroshi. She was checking my loyalty in which I had failed badly. I was dumbstruck and terrified. But astonishingly, she continued to talk to me without unveiling the result of the loyalty test to Tanisha.

Slowly we came close and became good friends. Soon she started sharing the secrets of Tanisha with me. From her I came to know that Tanisha was not that sure about me. She still craved for her school time crush, our senior, Sankalp. Aroshi disclosed how Tanisha always complained about me to be not the right guy for her and how I had failed to treat her the way she deserved.

I believed Aroshi blindly. And then gradually I drifted away from Tanisha.

Those disclosers by Aroshi kept on reverberating in my ears for days. My mind got snowed under numerous bizarre thoughts. I realized that Tanisha was not happy with me. I started comparing myself with Sankalp where I found myself getting defeated in huge margins in all aspects. I assumed myself to be not the right guy for her. Neither I was handsome enough to deserve a girlfriend like Tanisha nor had I ever treated her the way she deserved. I had never taken her out. I had never presented her any gift. I had never treated her at a lavishing restaurant. Suddenly I realized I had not done anything for her. A stint of inferiority complex grabbed me. I started considering myself meager.  

In the meantime, Aroshi had come closer to me more than before. She had already started liking me. I knew that and I had not done anything to stop her. It was not her mistake completely. I was a part of it. I was the one who had started it. I was the one who could have stopped the same earlier. One day I decided to confess everything in front of Tanisha to put a full stop to this fuss. I knew the consequence. But still I wanted to tell her. I wanted to confront everything. I did. It was the last time I talked to her.  

He turned silent for a while. “Is this way it ended?” I asked.  “No”, he continued again.

One evening a stout guy landed up in front of my house. He was accompanied by few more guys who appeared just like him. He enquired my name. His voice was the proof of his arrogance. The way he parked his bike and walked towards me showed how proud, haughty, adamant he was. He looked exactly like what we call, “imperious spoiled rich kid”. As soon as I confirmed him my name, he started thrashing me badly. His friends accompanied him. They slapped, kicked and punched me severely. I collapsed on the spot with both my hands covering my head, Pressed to the edge of the gate. Then that stout guy who appeared to be their leader jumped over me. While his shoes were kneading my fingers, he was raining punches on my back. Listening me screaming and the growl of those guys, my mother rushed out of the house. By then my father had also arrived. He tried to save me. My mother was begging infront of them. All my neighbors slowly gathered.  Seeing the crowd they decided to flee. Before leaving, the plump guy shouted, “stay in your limits or else I will kill your entire family”.

I remained clueless till the day I received a call from the same guy. He said me the entire story. He was actually Aroshi’s boyfriend. He narrated me the story framed by him to recite in front of Aroshi so that he can prove her to be a cheat and leave her for the same. I denied. I denied strongly though my face was still swollen of his punches and my arms had blood clots of his kicks.  He played his next card that he would attack my family the same way he had done to me that day. I agreed. I did whatever he wanted me to do.

You did? What happened then? What happened to that Aroshi? Did Tanisha come to know about this? Did she come to stand for you at that time?  

I don’t know what happened to Aroshi after that. I don’t know if they broke up or continued. I don’t know if either Tanisha or Aroshi ever came to know about this. I went away from everyone… Everything…

What do you mean by you went away, Sir? 

Amit, I belonged to a low middle class family where my father worked hard to fulfill our basic needs. My family had never witnessed anything like that ever before. My mother was so horrified that for days she didn’t leave me out of our house. Even she left going out herself. My neighbors started looking at my parents as the parents of a criminal. I had brought disgrace to my family. Slowly my relatives came to know about this and my cousins were asked not to talk to me.

My parents had faith that I would do well in life but that incident changed everything. My life turned upside down in a single day. Till then I was a culprit in the eyes of Tanisha only. Now I was for everyone. Slowly I started hating myself. And when you start hating yourself, you start failing in everything you try.

My parents assumed that I was still into the same issues and so they wanted me to go away from that place. They were convinced that I would spoil my life and bring more trouble to my family if I would stay there. One day my father came home and asked me to join merchant Navy. I had no idea of it. I had never heard of it before. I had other dreams. I wanted to fulfill them. I denied but my father turned deaf ear. I tried to convince my mother. But she didn’t raise her voice against my father. All she wanted was me to stay well even though that would cost her to get separated from me.

And look at me…I am here… sailing and sailing

“Sir, did you never try to talk to Tanisha after that?”

No, I never tried. I knew Tanisha well. She would have never talked to me. I knew her well (He laughed)

Moreover, I had cheated her. I didn’t deserve another chance.

Yes, I used to hear about her from my friends. You know Amit, she used to abuse if anyone would even utter my name. She hated me so much.

“Sir, do you think it happened all because of you?”

Yes, it was my mistake. I shouldn’t have talked to a stranger girl. I should have controlled my temptation. I shouldn’t have believed Aroshi. I should have complete faith on myself and my love. The spark of inferiority complex was residing there inside me that only got exasperated after talking to Aroshi. I was insecure. I was afraid that someday she might leave me because of my inefficiency to make her happy. For me then her happiness meant only the materialistic pleasures that I had failed to give her because of my not so good financial condition at home.   

I still remember once I had failed to attain her brother’s birthday party because I had felt that I might not fit into their gathering as I had nothing good to wear and moreover I had failed to save some amount to buy her brother a present. So, the feeling of being meager in front of Tanisha was already born inside me long back. It just got nourished under Aroshi. One believes what he wants to, what is there already inside his mind. Inferiority complex was already there that just grew up like beast and surpassed my love.

“Sir, can I ask you something?”

“Is this the reason why you didn’t marry yet?”

I loved her then. I love her now. I will love her till eternity. Though at that tender age I had committed few mistakes that snatched her away from my life, I still love her, the same. I know she hates me. I know she is someone else’s now. I know someday even I will breathe my last and she still will have no hint of me and of my love. I know. I know everything. But these reasons can never stop me from loving her.

There can be no reason in the world that can stop you from loving someone. If there is; then you are not in love.

I have spent sleepless nights. The only thing that reverberated in my ears was her calling me a cheater. I can spend my entire life being a cheater in her eyes but not a cheater in mine. I cannot cheat the love for her residing in my heart by marrying someone else.

Moreover, love is all about staying happy. One cannot say that she/he is in love with someone if she/he is not happy with that person. And you know something Amit, I am happy. I am happy to spend my entire life loving her. I am happy to see her happy in someone else’s arm. I am happy to spend my life in her thoughts. I am happy to check her Facebook profile several times a day, happy to see her posts and pictures uploaded. I am happy to download all her pictures and see them when I miss her the most. I am happy when I want to like her posts and pictures but resist myself from doing so. I am happy to celebrate her birthday; hers is close to mine (he laughed). I am happy when I read any book that reminds me of her poems. I am happy. I am happy that I love someone so much.

I want to live in her memories. Those memories are perfectly encapsulated morsel of a good past with tinge of sad moments. Her memories are like a brush stroke of color on the gray canvas of my life, a barren canvas.

“You should have told her once… Atleast she should have known the truth”, I said.

Why don’t you write a story on this Amit?

(He laughed)

But still she won’t believe. I know her.

(He stood up and got prepared to leave)

“Unke jane ke baad,

dil ka alam kuch aisa hai,

samandar ki tarah sham dhale,

isme halchal kuch jyada hi rehta hai…”

Unke jane ke baad,

Dil ka alam kuch aisa hai,

Bas charo taraf hai namkeen si lehren,

Aur ankhon ke kinare namkeen se pani ke kuch bunden…”

Unke jane ke baad,

Dil ka alam kuch aisa hai,

 Iss gehre samadar ko dekhke

Paraya nahin, apna sa lagne laga hai,

Mere ansooyon ke sekdon katre

Kabhi gire honge iske gaud main,

Ab to iss ke kuch lehron pe

Mera bhi hak banta hai…..”

Goodnight Amit. Thanks for listening me.

 

 

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE PM OF INDIA AGAINST THE CASTE BASED RESERVATION SYSTEM

To,

The Prime Minister,

India

The higher secondary exam of various boards throughout the country is over. The Students are done with almost all the entrance exams by now. They are going to take the next big step on which their future will be entirely dependent on. But I am pretty sure; plenty of them will start this most important journey of their life with despair, dejection and with wrath in their heart for the system.

 Why??? Ok, that’s why I am writing you this letter.

How do you expect the candidates to feel when they will be denied to take the subject of their choice? How do you expect them to feel when they will be denied to get admission in the college they have always dreamed about despite of getting the eligible score for it? 

If it’s their fault, they will accept it. But if it is because some seats are already reserved and someone who have scored comparatively less is placed in the front of the row by the Government just because that someone belongs to some particular caste, don’t you think it’s enough to fill them in anguish, despondency and frustration?

You know what; mediocrity is a sin in India.  In India, either be a Topper or have a quota or live your entire life cursing the system.

Toppers mostly carve out their place, though they too are affected by this reservation system. But the persons who get affected the most are the “average students”.  Either they have to compromise with the college or entirely with the stream they have always wanted to be in.  When their parents refuses to pay high for the private colleges or to get them their favorite branch, all that they do is that they curse this system and their fate for being born in the so called higher caste.

You won’t understand how it feels when your place is taken by some undeserving candidate. I know, I am no one to call anyone undeserving but it is the same rank list which displays my rank displays some of their ranks too, way below mine. It is only the reservation which drives the reserved candidates in the rocket speed and launches them at the top where they grab the place that I deserve the most.  It’s on you to judge now. If the general candidates are denied of a particular seat to someone and if they are declared undeserved for a particular seat even after scoring comparatively higher, don’t you feel there is something wrong in this system, something an average countryman/woman to be angry about?

Is it their caste?  Isn’t it that all are equal under law? Isn’t that the constitution of India is not a caste constitution? Anyways, if it is all about the caste, then I am not at all responsible for the formation of it.  It’s like punishing someone for the crime that his grandfather had committed. Here, even my grandfather too was a victim of this caste based reservation system. Yes, I completely understand that this caste based reservation was implemented for the upliftment of some downtrodden castes in India.  But now don’t you feel that the caste based reservation is working more for the upliftment of the already uplifted ones?  You want to provide an equal ground for all…great, go for it but mind you, not by killing my rights.

The caste based reservation has become a privilege now. It’s like the Krish power which is getting transferred from the grandfather to the father and then to the son.  It’s no more a tool to bring equality; it has become a weapon of benefit for certain group of people.

A person who is an officer in some government department, who had inherited the caste card from his father, who too had held a good position, empowers his off springs with the same. Now his sons/daughters who already have access to good education, good environment and have good financial status will enjoy the caste based reservation, not even once but as many times as they want to and this benefit will get passed to the generation following them. When the reservation system has already uplifted them, then why does the Government need to empower them again with the right to reservation?  Isn’t it a privilege that the Government is providing wrongly?

If we will look into the other side and see the story of millions of general candidates then we will find that it is gruesome.  The caste based reservation system have always discriminated them and provided them with an unequal battle ground.  This system has killed the dreams of millions.  This system has kicked away many deserving and capable candidates while giving place to the undeserving candidates carrying the reserved caste card.  This is one of the reasons why the premiere Government institutions in India are losing their luster and name in the international level.  I strongly feel that If India has lost its pace for the development it is partly due to this reservation system which has discarded capable persons from taking positions and have placed comparatively less capable persons with reservation in their place.

If providing equal ground to all is the prime aim of reservation, I don’t understand why it is needed to be carried on even after a candidate completes her/his graduation and seeks for job or higher studies. The reservation system has already provided them the equal ground. The reserved candidates got the opportunity to study and flourish in the same institutions where the general candidates study. Now, both of them obtained almost all the resources by the government in equal. Then why do they will be entitled again with the reservation when it comes to higher studies and jobs?

In the name to create equality, the system is spreading inequality and discrimination among millions of youth in India.

I won’t go into the statistics. You have better access to them. As per the law the reservation can be given up to 50%. That means 50% of anything only remains for the general candidates. Kindly go through the statistics which will clearly depict you the huge population of the general candidates. Don’t you feel that it is unfair and unjust on the general candidates for creating a tough and unequal ground of competition for them?  Reservation gives leeway of 10%- 40% reduction in various parameters in India. It’s not an equality of opportunity but it’s an unfair playing ground.   

Even after so many years of implementation of caste based reservation, did the system succeed to reach the root level? No the government has failed badly. Still now there are tribal areas that are yet to see the light. They are devoid of even the basic necessities of life. I wonder if they have ever even heard of reservation. This caste based reservation is benefiting only the creamy layer of certain castes and it has failed badly to reach the impervious areas that need upliftment in the true sense.

Does government have no machinery to find out the percentage of truly disadvantaged people of the reserved category? Does Government have no way to find out the percentage of people of reserved category who have already been benefited and have come up in their life? What is the point of benefiting the already benefited ones?  Here a general category poor candidate who needs a job is discriminated and his place is given to someone less deserving while on the other hand the government is busy providing privilege to the candidates belonging to an affluent family just because they have a reserved caste card.  What is the point of providing scholarship to a candidate just because she/he belongs to the reserved category despite of the fact that her/his parents have already enjoyed the benefits and now hold a prestigious position. I think that poor general candidate needs assistance more and there are millions like him.

Why reservation? Why not resources? Is the Government afraid that the resources will not reach the needy? The resources will get lost in the way and instead of helping in the upliftment of the downtrodden it will fill the pockets of the channels it will pass through, isn’t the Government afraid of this? So, the best way is to continue with the Caste based reservation, the easiest and the cheapest way, right?

Sir, Can’t your Government build up strong, honest and strict machinery that will ensure that all the aids and the resources by the Government reach the needy that will bring development in the true sense?

Don’t you feel the reservation system is putting a question mark on the credentials of many deserving candidates belonging to the reserved category? Their achievements will be always weighed by their caste not by their talent.   

The castes are anti-national. Caste based policies are divisive, anti-secular and anti-progressive. Caste cannot be a class to define the “backwardness”.  An individual is underprivileged, not the class. The most important reform that is required in the present situation is a departure from the “group centric” affirmative action to the “individual centric” benefits. At present benefits are being extended to a class    (described as caste) which has resulted in formation of unholy caste based lobbies. 

The time has arrived when we need to uproot the caste based reservation from our country and provide benefits to the financially downtrodden individuals irrespective of their caste. Caste conscious measures can never eliminate caste consciousness from our society.

Sir, the whole youth of this country had roared for you in the last Lok sabha election.  We had a faith that you will provide us a progressive egalitarian society. We still nurture this faith within us. We want India to be free from the caste based reservation system. Sir, don’t let the fire of anger, inequality, broken dreams and failed attempts of millions to engulf the peace of this nation. Don’t let millions of youth to come on to the road in the demand for banning this reservation system. Time has arrived that your Government should think, talk and act quickly on this topic.

Thanking you,

Yours faithfully

AN INDIAN